I want this job...and there's something else you should know

By Lisa A. Eramo

You review your resume a thousand times, rehearse your responses religiously, and make sure that every hair on your head is in its proper place. Why? Because your livelihood depends on it, and this interview could make or break your plans for the next few years (or more) of your life.

Everyone gets nervous prior to sitting before his or her prospective boss because you want to make a good impression, say the right things, smile the right smile. You can anticipate how it will go--you talk about your professional background, where you went to school, the skills you've honed. Hopefully the interviewer is nodding in approval as you go through a laundry list of bullet points you've committed to memory. And by the time he or she asks why you're looking for a new job (the quintessential question), you begin to breathe a sigh of relief because you've already got this response ready to go. If you've done your homework, you can even comment on how your skills are a particularly good match for the employer. You can also ask pointed questions that keep the interviewer nodding and smiling until before you know it, he or she is reaching across the wide expansive table (that doesn't seem so wide anymore) and offering you a job with the company.

Okay, so it doesn't always go according to plan, but one can be hopeful. In reality, most interviews are long and drawn out, consisting of several visits, several encounters, several references, and several weeks of endless waiting. I've been through this scenario too many times to count, and I am all too familiar with the back-and-forth dynamic. I find that I am always slightly on edge because I want so badly to make a good impression--both during the interview and during all of the days that lead up to either the offer or the oh-so-gracious rejection letter/email/phone call.

I recall an interview during which I thought I would engage in what would be yet another typical interviewer/interviewee dialogue. I had picked out formal attire, chugged some Starbucks coffee, killed five small trees making copies of my resume, and permanently pasted a smile on my face for the day.

Conversation flowed pretty smoothly, and to my surprise, the interviewer was even laughing at my jokes. I had her in the palm of my hand, right? Wrong. When asked why living in that particular geographic area appealed to me, I suddenly felt a dryness in my mouth, and my heart started to race. Why? Because in telling the truth, which was that my partner (who already lived in the area) and I were hoping to move in together, I knew that I would out myself as a lesbian.

For a gay or lesbian person, this is the moment that you dread during an interview because you're not a mind reader, so you have no idea how the person behind the desk will react. Do you take a chance and come clean, hoping that the individual has an open mind and respects others? Or do you stay closeted, choosing to keep things "simple" and less "complicated." For me, there was a short delay, but I made the split second decision to go for it. When I originally came out of the closet in December 2000, I told myself that this would be the first of many closets that I would most likely have to come out of but that I would never deliberately stay in hiding if I didn't have to.

Coming out during an interview can be extremely discouraging or extremely empowering. I'm sure that some candidates have ruined their chances for employment by being true to who they are. But others have found coming out during an interview to be validating--particularly when the employer values that courage.

For me, coming out during this particular interview was one of the most empowering moments of my life. Not only did the interviewer lean in toward me and commend me for my leap of faith, but the individual also said it was my dissenting and confident voice that she wanted on her team. In that moment, I had goosebumps. I actually almost had tears in my eyes and felt slightly embarrassed for having been moved as much as I was. Truth be told, I deserved that recognition and praise. Coming out is not easy, and it never will be. And to be commended for being proud of whom I am is something that I will always be grateful for.

Sign me up! When do I start?